I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
