O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
