Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
