Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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