i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
