hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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