I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
