And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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