you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
