never play flip cup with pint glasses
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
