i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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