We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You pole danced in your parka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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