You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
