So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
