Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
