Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
