We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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