soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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