phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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