John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
