Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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