i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize