How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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