The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
