Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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