DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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