Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
