those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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