Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
