I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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