so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
