Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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