My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
