I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize