I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
