I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
