Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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