I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
