you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
