Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
