I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
