shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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