i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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