The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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