we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
