i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
