So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
