hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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