the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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