i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
