Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
