I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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