so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When are your genitals available?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
