White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
