no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
