His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
