I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She needs sedatives and a leash
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
