Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
