he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
