see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
