I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
