Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
