so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize