Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize