Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
