I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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