did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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