I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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