i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
