Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
