That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
