Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
