My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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