I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
