just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
