just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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