I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
