at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
